The other night, I was watching My Sister's Keeper with my husband. About 15 minutes into the movie, I started crying. As the next 30 minutes, my crying got worse and worse, until my husband had to turn it off and hold me while I sobbed into his chest. Yes, the movie is sad. It has sad content... It's about a family that is dealing with their oldest daughter having Leukemia, and their youngest daughter was constructed and born to be the donor for her older sister. The younger wants medical emancipation - the ability to make her own decisions about letting them take parts from her body, etc. The story is basically about the turmoil that happens once the suit is filed against the parents. It also includes many flashbacks of the illness of the older girl.
I don't know exactly what made me start crying. The book, which I read months ago, didn't have this effect on me. But once I started, I just couldn't stop. I ended up having nightmares that night that were so disturbing that my husband had to wake me up because I was crying and hitting him in my sleep. I vaguely remember the dreams, but I have no idea why I was hitting him.
I thought about it the next day. There were several things that struck me in this movie. The girl with cancer refused to get out of bed one day. She was depressed, she said. She was ugly. And everyone stared at her. I think this is the point that made me cry. The more I thought about it, the more I think I was catching up with the crying that I didn't do when I was sick.
I understand how this little girl felt, even though I was not young when it happened to me, the cancer that I had was not incurable or even unfixable. But, I had my moments when it was everything I could do NOT to lock myself in a room and sob myself to sleep. I really didn't feel that I had that option. I felt, for many reasons, that I needed to put on a brave face, both for my family and for my friends. I was not going to be "the face of cancer." I was not going to be weak, and bedridden. I was not going to be sick. I was going to laugh and enjoy life like I was doing before I was diagnosed.
I felt I expected to be in good cheer, and happy all the time. So, I did what was expected of me. I would go out, I would go to the place I worked and I would visit people and "be happy." I cried maybe twice. But usually it had nothing to do with being sick. I had a fight with a friend, or one with my dad. Some teenage girls made fun of the way I looked, and I was so upset, but I never cried about that. Most of the time, I kept my thoughts to myself. I was lucky in that first round, though. It seemed that I had a million friends. People seemed so happy to see me, I got cards from work almost every week. The one time I was hospitalized, my room was never empty. It was almost like people were vying for my attention.
After I started getting better, suddenly no one wanted to talk to me. People were cruel behind my back. Friends started dropping like flies. I went back to work and was treated somewhat unfairly. At the same time, my father found out he was dying of lung cancer. I truly felt I had no one to talk to. I couldn't go home and voice my fears or my sadness. Again, I had to remain upbeat, because we didn't want to upset my dad. And I didn't want to upset my mom, either. She had enough to deal with. When my dad died, I got apologies about the treatment I had received. Some people came back to be my friend, others never came around. But again, I never got to truly grieve in my own way. No one ever asked me how I was doing. My friends were more worried about my mom (and rightfully so), and so was I. I had to take care of her the first couple of months, our roles had become reversed. I made that promise to my dad.
Within two years of my dad's passing, I was diagnosed again with Hodgkin's Lymphoma. This time was different. The chemo that they gave me obviously didn't work the first time, and my body had already received the maximum amounts of those drugs in my system. they had to try something different. The day after I was diagnosed, I was formally let go from my job. I wasn't even given a chance to say goodbye. My car - that I picked out with my dad - died, so with the inheritance that I had, I had to buy a new one. I felt like my life was falling apart. Things had finally been going right. I cried about silly things. But never really faced the big picture.
The new treatment I was on required me to be in the hospital for 6 days at a time, every three weeks. So, I was alone. My mom tried to visit as often as she could, but she was still working. Friends stopped by once in a while, but I don't know if it was hard for them, or they just couldn't come by. I had one friend that came by, but as soon as she got there, her husband called and demanded that she come home. It broke my heart. I was in about my third treatment, when I realized something was wrong. I didn't feel right, and my head hurt. I was suddenly vomiting all over the place, which was something that didn't happen before that. The nurses had been treating me like a child, trying to help me use the restroom, and teasing me about things that rather annoyed me. But when I passed out and was scared and vomiting, they wouldn't come. A doctor came and signed my release papers without even looking at me. I went home. I looked awful.
Well, there is cancer awful, and there is this awful. This awful was when I went home that night and had no idea who I was when I looked in the mirror. My head faded into my chest and shoulders. I could barely move, and it caused so much pain just to do that. I finally had to go to bed. I couldn't sleep. My head just hurt so bad. I sat up in bed and called out to my mom. I told her it was time to call the ambulance. I tried to stand up, fell on the floor, narrowly missing the bottom of my dresser, and vomited. I was somehow in the state of mind to remember to turn my head so I didn't choke, and also to remind my mom that she needed to open the gate. I really only remember being lifted over the stairway, and then trying to pee while hoisted up on a gurney. The next few days were a blur.
I was terrified. I was alone, the doctors and nurses weren't nice to me. They put me in positions for extended periods of time where I had trouble breathing. They had me covered in suction cups to monitor my vitals, and every time I'd move, it would set off alarms. I am a side sleeper, and I had to stay perfectly still on my back. I was warned not to move. When they did an ultrasound on my chest area, they found that I had a myocardial infarction - heart attack. There were blood clots all between my wrists. It was caused by a staph infection at the site of my Hickman Catheter (chest tube). So my catheter had to be removed. Oh, and I had a sinus infection. That was why my head hurt. They told me that if I moved too much, one of the blood clots could break free and kill me. Yeah, I wasn't scared. At all.
After everything was said and done and I was in the ICU, people tried to visit. Ok, just two. My grandma flew down to help my mom. My best friend's Kevin and Heidi both came in. Two of my former coworkers tried to visit, but I was unable to accept any more visitors. My coworkers had dropped off a video tape for me. It was many of my old coworkers telling me to get well. A few of them were crying. I couldn't watch the whole thing the first time around because I would start crying and it was dangerous for me to get too emotional. I had to wait and watch it when I was a little bit more functional.
When I finally got moved into a regular ward after the ICU, the nurse I had the first night told me that I could very easily die in my sleep. Or something like that. Upon being released from the hospital a week or two later, this nurse tried to hug me. I vomited on her. This was a glimpse of happiness for me. After I returned home, strange things affected me. Too much noise made me sick. Sudden laughter or crying made me sick. My antibiotic made me sick every time I had to take it. My mom was gone once a week for three weeks, because she wanted to take a class on computers so she would get a free laptop for me. Grandma was around for a while, but had to go home. I was told not to come into work to visit, because it might upset my former co-workers. I couldn't drive myself anywhere because I was confined to a wheel chair. I went to visit another friend and he could barely even look at me. I was told that I was bad for business. Another friend took advantage of me while I was sick and vulnerable. I had very few visits from friends.
Around November, I got some happier news. I had been approved for Italian Greyhound Rescue Adoption. They found a dog that would suit me perfectly. I went to meet him and he loved me. I was unable to pick him up until after I finished my treatment, so they agreed to take care of him.
I finally had come to the bad place in my treatment. I was shipped off to Beverly Hills and Cedar's Sinai Hospital Cancer Center for a stem cell transplant. This may have been the hardest time for me. I was in what was called reverse isolation. Which is basically isolation without people having to wear clean suits. My mom tried to visit as often as she could. But it was over a 2 hour drive. I was there for about a month and a half. Mom was able to bring friends of mine with her a couple of times. My aunt and uncle visited once, but I was feeling so horrible, I could barely pay attention to them. I was lonely and wanted people around, but I didn't because I felt so awful. I had the laptop, so I was able to get some emails once in a while, but mostly I just slept and bought things with my debit card online.
Most of the nursing staff was very nice. And of course, being who I am, I endlessly polite, smiling and non-complaining, unless it was really bad. Then I would just ask for medication. It was loud at night (who actually can sleep in a hospital?), and one night i had to have a blood transfusion. The rule is: two nurses must come in to change the blood bags - one to read off the number and check the blood type - the second to verify that it's correct. One man came in, by himself and changed the bag. I reported him the next day. I worried all night that I would die or have an allergic reaction. Cedar's is a learning hospital, so often, I was pulled out of bed by doctors that were teaching so they could do strange examinations on me. I had a very hard time concentrating on the things they had me do. Then there was the nurse outbreak of chicken pox. Every person in the ward had to have a shot so they wouldn't get that or shingles. I was examined every day by a resident nurse, including between my butt cheeks. I had to have my "output" measured every day. And, as I wasn't expecting this to happen, my period started while I was there, and I had nothing. And none of the nurses would get anything for me. So I just bled for two days until my mom could get up there and bring me something. The whole experience was very humiliating, but I smiled through it all.
When it finally came down to having my stem cell transplant, I was given a Benadryl, and told to sit back, but let the nurse know if it started to hurt. My nurse had to stay in there with me for the entire time, to make sure everything flowed smoothly, and I guess to make sure I didn't have an allergic reaction or die. It was not comfortable. It wasn't painful, but it made me feel like I needed to get out of my skin. I wanted to sleep while it was happening, but I didn't want to bore that nurse, so I tried to stay awake and talk to her and be cheerful. I figured I could sleep when she left. I was fairly sick and weak, understandably, for the next couple of days. Within a couple of weeks, my white count was up enough and I was strong enough to leave the hospital and go home.
On the way home, my mom told me a friend needed to talk to me about something important. I called her and found out that her boyfriend died, suddenly, and in her arms. She was broken-hearted. And I was for her. I tried my best to comfort her, but I don't know how effective it was.
I got to pick up my new dog, and go home.
This time is a long time to hold back tears. Tears of anger, tears of fear, tears of loneliness and tears of sadness. I put on as much of a brave face as I could. Partly because it was encouraged - "It's all about attitude" "You have such a great sense of humor" and "What an amazing attitude you have." It was hard to be myself. It was impossible to show how I really felt. I was extremely hard on myself, and I still am, about that period of time. It felt so much, the second time around, like people I had never met, cared more about me than my friends did. It was like I lost my support system once my dad died. it killed me inside to think about these people that I saw all the time when I was well, that wouldn't even hardly talk to me when I wasn't. And if they saw me, they'd shoo me away. I don't know if this is a good reason for me to cry so hard and so long at a movie, or why I may feel resentment toward people that have been nasty to me for no apparent reason. But it's happening. And I can't control it. Not anymore.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Glory Days
December 1989
December 2009
They say that the best times of your life happen when you're in high school. If I believed that, then I should have just given up on life after graduation. Because then I would have known that my life would be nothing but miserable afterward.
Yes, high school had it's moments. I loved being in band, performing, being in competitions. I made some of the best friends I'll ever have. I fell in love for the first time. I was part of a group.
But then, there was the rest. I was miserable. I hated everything. I felt like everyone was always picking on me. I got terrible grades, which meant being grounded. All the time. I wasn't popular. I didn't even feel well liked. I was terribly insecure. I wanted constant attention, but not for the things I ended up getting it for. I was angry, I was sad. I fought with everyone. I was smart. I was talented. But I wasn't smart or talented enough. I was mediocre. And I hated that about myself. I was lazy, and overweight. But no matter how much I dieted, or exercised, I was never happy with how I looked. I didn't wear the clothes that were “In style.” I didn't have the right hair. I just wasn't right. I was depressed, I was suicidal. I was violent. It was not a good way to be.
Some things don't change. Some things do. I have some great memories of high school. I have some horrid feelings from high school. I won't go into specifics, but I was made fun of and singled out in a not-so-good way.... a lot. It wasn't a good feeling. I didn't know at the time, but I was manic depressive.
I didn't go to my Grad Night after graduation because I never felt like I even knew the people in my class. I had no reason to say goodbye to most of them. And most of them, I haven't seen since then. And that doesn't bother me. I had no real ties to the people I grew up with, other than the classes that we shared since first grade.
I moved on, made new friends, got different jobs, and dated other people. I got cancer, and lived. I went on through my dad's cancer. During that period, I went to my 10 year reunion. I was amazed to find out that people remembered me. People thought highly of me. People said I was sweet, and that they just loved me in high school. Really? But they didn't give me the time of day then, why now? I was in the rest room, reapplying my lipstick and someone said something that made me laugh. One person said my name. After all these years, she still recognized my laugh. I probably hadn't talked to her in almost 15 years, because we ran in completely different circles in high school. It was surreal. I ran into people that knew me, and I knew, but we could not figure out HOW.
After that, I began to hang out with and correspond with some of the people at the reunion via email. I'm glad that I've been able to keep in touch with many of them. The second time that I got cancer, I was thrilled to have so much support from them. I also reconnected with some of my band friends which really made me happy. They were my dysfunctional family in high school.
Then there was the miracle of the internet. And social networking. I went on Facebook after joining a wedding board that didn't want every private thing on a public board. For about 6 months, the only friends I had on there, were people from that wedding board. Then, the friend requests started pouring in. I now have over 450 friends on there. Probably 90% of those friends are people that I know, personally from school, work, family, or through friends of friends.
It was after I started getting all these friend requests that I realized how weird it was to be talking to some of these people. Many of these friends from school never gave me the time of day back then. Or they had one class with me back in freshman year. How? Why? What made these people add me? And they TALK to me! I mean, a lot of it is “hope you feel well soon,” or “I'm glad that you had a good day.” But then I will get emails on Facebook, or just general things where we talk about our lives, offer advice or support to each other. Many of us have lost a parent, some have had cancer, most have had kids. Via the internet, I feel like I've gotten close to some of these people from my past. But some of them, I am really confused about.
There is a Bruce Springsteen song called Glory Days. Some of the things I see posted – in pictures, mostly – make me think of this song. Were the high school years the peak of their lives? Is this their claim to fame? What happened? I come from southern California – the land of perfect bodies, which I never fit in because of – it amazes me how some people have AGED terribly, and some look exactly the same, if not better than in high school. I see these pictures and the comments and the captions under them and I wonder.... What happened? I don't even remember some of these events! (not that I remember MUCH, mind you) But how can this be that important to you? I guess because I was only in band, I don't get the big draw of sports or prom, or whatever. I remember few things from band. I remember the friends that I had. I remember some of the songs we played. But not much else. I guess some people are lucky to have these memories.
I'm glad that I made it past all these things. I'm very glad that I still have friends that remember me well enough to add me as a friend. I'm glad that I grew up. I'm also glad that those weren't the best years of my life. My life is so much better now than it ever has been. I have really never been happier. I am more satisfied than I have ever been with who I am. I have an amazing, loving husband. I have the best family. I have a great job, and fantastic co-workers. I have a sweet cuddle bug of a dog. I have wonderful, supportive friends. I have a comfortable life. It's not everything, I don't have a house, we only have one car, we don't have all the things that we want, and I have some health issues. But it doesn't keep us down. I am happy. And that, makes these the best years of my life.
Glory Days – Bruce Springsteen
I had a friend was a big baseball player
back in high school
He could throw that speedball by you
Make you look like a fool boy
Saw him the other night at this roadside bar
I was walking in, he was walking out
We went back inside sat down had a few drinks
but all he kept talking about was
Chorus:
Glory days well they'll pass you by
Glory days in the wink of a young girl's eye
Glory days, glory days
Well there's a girl that lives up the block
back in school she could turn all the boy's heads
Sometimes on a Friday I'll stop by
and have a few drinks after she put her kids to bed
Her and her husband Bobby well they split up
I guess it's two years gone by now
We just sit around talking about the old times,
she says when she feels like crying
she starts laughing thinking about
Chorus
My old man worked 20 years on the line
and they let him go
Now everywhere he goes out looking for work
they just tell him that he's too old
I was 9 nine years old and he was working at the
Metuchen Ford plant assembly line
Now he just sits on a stool down at the Legion hall
but I can tell what's on his mind
Glory days yeah goin' back
Glory days aw he ain't never had
Glory days, glory days
Now I think I'm going down to the well tonight
and I'm going to drink till I get my fill
And I hope when I get old I don't sit around thinking about it
but I probably will
Yeah, just sitting back trying to recapture
a little of the glory of, well time slips away
and leaves you with nothing mister but
boring stories of glory days
Chorus (repeat twice)
back in high school
He could throw that speedball by you
Make you look like a fool boy
Saw him the other night at this roadside bar
I was walking in, he was walking out
We went back inside sat down had a few drinks
but all he kept talking about was
Chorus:
Glory days well they'll pass you by
Glory days in the wink of a young girl's eye
Glory days, glory days
Well there's a girl that lives up the block
back in school she could turn all the boy's heads
Sometimes on a Friday I'll stop by
and have a few drinks after she put her kids to bed
Her and her husband Bobby well they split up
I guess it's two years gone by now
We just sit around talking about the old times,
she says when she feels like crying
she starts laughing thinking about
Chorus
My old man worked 20 years on the line
and they let him go
Now everywhere he goes out looking for work
they just tell him that he's too old
I was 9 nine years old and he was working at the
Metuchen Ford plant assembly line
Now he just sits on a stool down at the Legion hall
but I can tell what's on his mind
Glory days yeah goin' back
Glory days aw he ain't never had
Glory days, glory days
Now I think I'm going down to the well tonight
and I'm going to drink till I get my fill
And I hope when I get old I don't sit around thinking about it
but I probably will
Yeah, just sitting back trying to recapture
a little of the glory of, well time slips away
and leaves you with nothing mister but
boring stories of glory days
Chorus (repeat twice)
Saturday, January 2, 2010
My goals for 2010
Every year I do this. I get asked if I have any resolutions, and I don’t. I try not to have them, because if I don’t end up following them, I feel guilty. And then I try and fail again and again, especially by the end of the year. And then, inevitably, I start the vicious cycle all over again the following year.
So, within the last couple of years, I have to tried to come up with realistic goals to set for myself. This way, I don’t feel this overwhelming set of guilt for myself if I don’t end up doing them all. And they are easily transferrable to the following year.
So, these are my goals for 2010 (not in any particular order):
- Finish sanding, priming, sanding again, and painting the hutch in our dining area. And then fill it up with all the stuff that we got for wedding gifts and our bar stuff.
- Start work on my craft table. This should be a fun job.
- Reorganize the craft closet – instead of piling everything on top of itself, actually get a drawer system in there so I can get things out easily.
- Finish setting up our kitchen pantry cart. We’re about halfway there, but we just need to actually take some time and finish it up.
- Make some “green bags” for produce and bulk items to take to the store with us.
- Make a really nice blanket for Mario.
- Write a lot more.
- Start work on the office.
- Actually work on the Wii Fit
- Try to get my blood sugar even more in control.
- Learn how to play that Bass that I got for Christmas last year. I no longer have an excuse.
- Get rid of stuff that I haven’t used in over 6 months (this does not count clothing, as I am a girl. The seasons change almost daily here, and so does my size).
I think that is a good starting list, and if I really concentrate and stop being lazy, I might actually get most, if not all of it done this year. I will be utilizing the husband, but I don’t think he’ll mind. He’s a good helper. There are, of course, the minor things that need to be done, but they are normal every day things, that just require build up as habits.
My Top Ten Lists of The Last Decade 2000-2009
Several of my friends on Facebook have challenged me to write what I consider my favorites from the last decade (they know me too damn well, and know that I love to write lists). The categories included: music, movies, TV shows and comic books. Well, I don't read comic books, so, I decided to go with video games, since they are played often at my house. I hope that you enjoy my lists, and maybe it will inspire you to write your own!
In music (I did not add anything that was a live release, a re-release, a soundtrack, or a cover CD. I only picked CD's that I would actually buy instead of download, that if they were records, they would have been worn down by now.):
Video games:
Feel free to leave comments or ask questions. I had a lot of fun writing these lists.
In music (I did not add anything that was a live release, a re-release, a soundtrack, or a cover CD. I only picked CD's that I would actually buy instead of download, that if they were records, they would have been worn down by now.):
- Coldplay – Parachutes
- Muse – Black Holes and Revelations
- Tenacious D – Tenacious D
- Eminem – The Eminem Show
- Green Day – American Idiot
- They Might Be Giants – No!
- The White Stripes – Icky Thump
- Weezer – Make Believe
- Blink-182 – Blink-182
- The Offspring – Rise and Fall, Rage and Grace
In TV (these are shows that I couldn’t stay away from, unless I missed an episode, or something and couldn’t find it anywhere. This happened with Californication, and I am STILL trying to catch up. Oh, and I know I missed some damn good shows, but I probably just haven't seen them yet. Remember – these are MY favorites):
- United States of Tara
- Lie To Me
- Heroes
- Being Erica
- Arrested Development
- Scrubs
- House
- Flight of the Conchords
- Californication
- Kitchen Nightmares (BBC Version)
On film (not counting holiday movies, animated movies and documentaries. In this category, I again, probably missed a lot, but I haven't seen a lot, either. And honestly? This was probably the hardest list to narrow down.) :
- High Fidelity
- O Brother, Where Art Thou?
- Donnie Darko
- Kill Bill
- Harry Potter Franchise
- Finding Neverland
- The Producers
- Stranger Than Fiction
- Juno
- Burn After Reading
Video games:
(These are games I'll actually play and enjoy, both console and PC games)
- The Sims
- Kingdom Hearts
- Guitar Hero
- Rock Band
- Wii Fit
- Wii Sports
- Wario Ware
- Evidence: The Last Ritual
- Singstar
- American McGee's Alice
Feel free to leave comments or ask questions. I had a lot of fun writing these lists.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Random thoughts from people 30-40 years old…
I have been... neglecting this blog long enough. I am trying I have many ideas, but no time to put them into words. I'm sorry. This should be a good kick off. it was a forward - yes one of those - but a good'un. One of my favorites that I have seen bouncing around for a bit. Enjoy! I hope you all had a great holiday!
-I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
- More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.
- Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
- I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?
- Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
- That's enough, Nickelback.
- I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
- Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?
- Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid inAmerica
- There is a great need for sarcasm font.
- Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it.
- I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little
bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
- How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
- I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
-The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
- A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
- LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
- Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a prick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"
- What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
- Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
- I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
- Bad decisions make good stories..... Hellllooo college
- Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
- Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier and sluttier every year?
- If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
- Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....
- You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
- Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
- There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
- I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
- "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
- I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and
leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'
- I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
- When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
- I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
- Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
- As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
- Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
- It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
- I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
-Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
- Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time
every time...
- My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
- It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
- I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
- I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
- I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
- The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people
eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard.
-I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
- More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.
- Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
- I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?
- Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
- That's enough, Nickelback.
- I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
- Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?
- Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in
- There is a great need for sarcasm font.
- Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it.
- I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little
bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
- How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
- I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
-The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
- A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
- LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
- Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a prick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"
- What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
- Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
- I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
- Bad decisions make good stories..... Hellllooo college
- Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
- Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier and sluttier every year?
- If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
- Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....
- You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
- Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
- There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
- I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
- "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
- I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and
leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'
- I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
- When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
- I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
- Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
- As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
- Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
- It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
- I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
-Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
- Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time
every time...
- My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
- It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
- I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
- I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
- I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
- The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people
eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Adult - Type Top Ten
My friend, Dan came up with this survey, because he was tired of the 12 year old Myspace and Facebook surveys that don't really apply to adults. The words at the beginning are his (in italics). And other than the questions, the rest are mine.
I realize I have been doing a lot of survey lately, but I am having a bit of a mind block. I hope you forgive me. And what better way to get to know me?
Ever get tired of those online survey questionnaire bulletin-type things written by 12-year-olds who know NOTHING about life? They sometimes ask the same question, but in different ways, and they're usually questions that provide little or no insight into a person. I mean, who you got a text from last doesn't tell me much about you.
The trick is to ask a question that is simple enough to answer without it being too stupid of a question. It has to be one that you KNOW they will answer. Finally, it has to be a question whose answer will provide some interesting insight into the person who answers it. After all, I'm not on Facebook to throw apps around and tell you who sent me a text last. I want to LEARN something about YOU.
With that, I present to you... The Adult Top 10 Survey.
+++++++++++++
Adult Top 10 Survey
1. Did you move far away from your hometown? If so, how far away, and for how long? I lived in my hometown for 30 years. Occasionally, I would move out of the city, but I always came back. Until 2003. When my dad passed away, my mom decided that the house I grew up in was falling apart and shoe could no longer take care of it on her own. Most of her family lived in Vancouver, WA. I was unemployed, because I was still in recovery from a stem cell transplant. We made a few deals about what would happen when we moved, we packed it all up and moved around the corner from her sister. She has been in the same house. I have moved twice - one time down the street, and again to a suburb of Portland, OR with my husband.
2. Name one thing you really liked about your hometown, and one thing you did not. - I loved a lot of things about Huntington Beach. But I think the thing I loved the most - there was always something to do and someone to do it with. At anytime, I could just drive up and down the streets with my music blaring and a Diet Coke in hand, just people watching. Especially down by the pier. Or really late at night, driving through the canyons in Laguna Beach, just to relax. I could almost always find someone to shop with, go to a bar with, or just go over and visit. The one thing I didn't like so well was the expense. Granted, living at home for most of my life helped me out. But it was expensive to live there. Gas was more expensive. Getting into bars was more expensive. This is why I can't go back, no mater how much I want to.
3. Same question, but about your current location. Skip this if you never moved. - In Portland - people are nice. Not just trying to placate you nice, but genuinely nice. It's amazing. We thought people were crazy here when we first moved. There are people that are not so nice, but for the most part, it's nice to not feel uncomfortable when walking down the street, or asking for directions, or even having random people talk to you in the store. What I dislike - lack of jobs. I have harped on this over and over. But I have been looking for over a year and can't find anything. Since we have moved up here - 6 years ago, I have had 6 jobs. Compare that to having had 5 jobs in 17 years before that. And when in between lay offs, I have had a terrible time finding anything. Almost every job I have had here, I have been laid off. It's very unsettling and scary.
4. What do you do for a living, and how did you end up getting there? - I am currently unemployed and looking. I would prefer some sort of clerical, Admin assistant or data entry job. It took me a while to realize this, but I learned from my last job in Orange County that I love the stability, order, and thought process I would have with these jobs. My life has so much more order when I have a schedule in my work day, and when it's organized. I love it.
5. Most adults end up creating a hard life for themselves, complete with a mortgage, spouse, kids, bills, and so on. Why did YOU choose the hard life? -It's a challenge. While I may not seem to be the challenge type of person, I do welcome it. At the same time, it's a challenge. :-) My bills are a necessity. At this point, my whole life seems to be like this. I am in a constant struggle to not WANT everything. But because I am unemployed, I can only get what I need to survive. I have lists upon lists of things that I would like to have and do. I guess that's the challenge, though. To work harder to make more of my life. It makes living life more worthwhile.
6. Think about what you wanted to be when you were younger, and compare it to what you are now. Are you shocked? Surprised? Disappointed? How do you REALLY feel about where you've ended up? - I wanted to be a veterinarian or a musician. It changed once I realized I was bad in math and could stand the thought of putting an animal down. I am disappointed in some ways. Not shocked. I have been through so many changes and it's all been a learning experience - I wouldn't change it for the world. I would still love to work with animals or be a musician. But as far as both... I don't have the patience to learn more. Or the brain for it. I almost prefer to do it on my own time and not make a job out of it.
7. When life gives you lemonade, find someone to whom life has given vodka. Talk briefly about a NEGATIVE in your young life that you were able to turn around into a positive as an adult. - I was an only child. I am a fire sign. Some of you may not really take faith in astrology, but from doing my own charting, I've learned a lot and foundthat much of it is true. To be a fire sign and an only child means that you do some outrageous things to get attention. For me, it was imaginary friends, lying, cheating, being loud and being a cry baby - something was always wrong. When I was 27, my cry baby-ness worked in my favor. I found out I had cancer. I would not have realized it if I hadn't been trying to find something wrong. I knew I felt weird, but I couldn't find a reason for it. I finally told my parents. They sent me to a doctor. I became a different person after that. Sometimes I still slip back into my old ways, but for the most part, I have become a more positive person and I try to help people and bring some light into their lives.
8. We are technically adults (in some regard) when we turn 18. From there we make mistakes and learn. What was the most profound mistake you ever made, and describe what you learned from it. - I let a boyfriend control me. He controlled everything - what I did, who with, where I lived, my relationship with my parents, our relationship, what I ate. It was awful. And I did it for four years, not realizing that anything was wrong with that. It took me years upon years to make up for all of that. It was a huge blow to my ego, and I lost many friends in that time. I almost lost my family. I've learned what I don't want to have in my life. I have learned to be a more positive person, and love what I have. Don't let anyone run my life. That was abuse. I am a good person. With a big heart. It wasn't too late with my family, and I was able to make amends with my dad before he passed. I was able to salvage what I had left with my fiends. And now I appreciate them more than ever.
9. Today's world is hectic, busy, and sometimes scary. Name ONE thing that brings you happiness, and give a brief description about why this activity works for you. - My husband. Really. He is my life light. I had been almost suicidal before meeting him. He saved me from myself. I realize that isn't an activity, but loving him is. If I am upset or sad, I think of him and I say out loud, "I love that man. I love my husband." And I smile. Talking to him, hugging him, giving him kisses, cuddling with him - it all makes me feel relaxed and serene. He brings out the best in me. We have such fun together. We have no money, and our bills are always paid late, but I relax in his presence. It's really a wonderful feeling.
10. Since most of us went to school together, or are about the same age, describe your experience as it pertains to graduation day from high school. What did you do? Where did you go? What were you thinking? - I don't remember much from graduation (you know, the memory thing), but I remember being there. I remember the principal saying to me as he gave me my diploma envelope - "Wow you have quite the crowd cheering for you!" I did and I was surprised. I not only had the band people, my boyfriend and my parents, but several people in my class yelling and screaming for me. But I don't remember why. I remember crying when a classmate sang "One Moment In Time" because of relief, and sadness because I know that so many of these people - people that i had known since I was little - I would probably never see again.
After graduation, I had decided not to go to grad night because I couldn't bring my boyfriend. So, my parents took us out to dinner, bowling and miniature golf. It was a nice thing for my parents to do and they tried to do everything they could to make it memorable.
At the time, the plan was to go to school for a while and get married to the boyfriend. We broke up soon after that. I went to school, I became a supervisor at work, and I became a kind of party girl. A very different person than I was in high school.
But that's enough about me... How about you?
I realize I have been doing a lot of survey lately, but I am having a bit of a mind block. I hope you forgive me. And what better way to get to know me?
Ever get tired of those online survey questionnaire bulletin-type things written by 12-year-olds who know NOTHING about life? They sometimes ask the same question, but in different ways, and they're usually questions that provide little or no insight into a person. I mean, who you got a text from last doesn't tell me much about you.
The trick is to ask a question that is simple enough to answer without it being too stupid of a question. It has to be one that you KNOW they will answer. Finally, it has to be a question whose answer will provide some interesting insight into the person who answers it. After all, I'm not on Facebook to throw apps around and tell you who sent me a text last. I want to LEARN something about YOU.
With that, I present to you... The Adult Top 10 Survey.
+++++++++++++
Adult Top 10 Survey
1. Did you move far away from your hometown? If so, how far away, and for how long? I lived in my hometown for 30 years. Occasionally, I would move out of the city, but I always came back. Until 2003. When my dad passed away, my mom decided that the house I grew up in was falling apart and shoe could no longer take care of it on her own. Most of her family lived in Vancouver, WA. I was unemployed, because I was still in recovery from a stem cell transplant. We made a few deals about what would happen when we moved, we packed it all up and moved around the corner from her sister. She has been in the same house. I have moved twice - one time down the street, and again to a suburb of Portland, OR with my husband.
2. Name one thing you really liked about your hometown, and one thing you did not. - I loved a lot of things about Huntington Beach. But I think the thing I loved the most - there was always something to do and someone to do it with. At anytime, I could just drive up and down the streets with my music blaring and a Diet Coke in hand, just people watching. Especially down by the pier. Or really late at night, driving through the canyons in Laguna Beach, just to relax. I could almost always find someone to shop with, go to a bar with, or just go over and visit. The one thing I didn't like so well was the expense. Granted, living at home for most of my life helped me out. But it was expensive to live there. Gas was more expensive. Getting into bars was more expensive. This is why I can't go back, no mater how much I want to.
3. Same question, but about your current location. Skip this if you never moved. - In Portland - people are nice. Not just trying to placate you nice, but genuinely nice. It's amazing. We thought people were crazy here when we first moved. There are people that are not so nice, but for the most part, it's nice to not feel uncomfortable when walking down the street, or asking for directions, or even having random people talk to you in the store. What I dislike - lack of jobs. I have harped on this over and over. But I have been looking for over a year and can't find anything. Since we have moved up here - 6 years ago, I have had 6 jobs. Compare that to having had 5 jobs in 17 years before that. And when in between lay offs, I have had a terrible time finding anything. Almost every job I have had here, I have been laid off. It's very unsettling and scary.
4. What do you do for a living, and how did you end up getting there? - I am currently unemployed and looking. I would prefer some sort of clerical, Admin assistant or data entry job. It took me a while to realize this, but I learned from my last job in Orange County that I love the stability, order, and thought process I would have with these jobs. My life has so much more order when I have a schedule in my work day, and when it's organized. I love it.
5. Most adults end up creating a hard life for themselves, complete with a mortgage, spouse, kids, bills, and so on. Why did YOU choose the hard life? -It's a challenge. While I may not seem to be the challenge type of person, I do welcome it. At the same time, it's a challenge. :-) My bills are a necessity. At this point, my whole life seems to be like this. I am in a constant struggle to not WANT everything. But because I am unemployed, I can only get what I need to survive. I have lists upon lists of things that I would like to have and do. I guess that's the challenge, though. To work harder to make more of my life. It makes living life more worthwhile.
6. Think about what you wanted to be when you were younger, and compare it to what you are now. Are you shocked? Surprised? Disappointed? How do you REALLY feel about where you've ended up? - I wanted to be a veterinarian or a musician. It changed once I realized I was bad in math and could stand the thought of putting an animal down. I am disappointed in some ways. Not shocked. I have been through so many changes and it's all been a learning experience - I wouldn't change it for the world. I would still love to work with animals or be a musician. But as far as both... I don't have the patience to learn more. Or the brain for it. I almost prefer to do it on my own time and not make a job out of it.
7. When life gives you lemonade, find someone to whom life has given vodka. Talk briefly about a NEGATIVE in your young life that you were able to turn around into a positive as an adult. - I was an only child. I am a fire sign. Some of you may not really take faith in astrology, but from doing my own charting, I've learned a lot and foundthat much of it is true. To be a fire sign and an only child means that you do some outrageous things to get attention. For me, it was imaginary friends, lying, cheating, being loud and being a cry baby - something was always wrong. When I was 27, my cry baby-ness worked in my favor. I found out I had cancer. I would not have realized it if I hadn't been trying to find something wrong. I knew I felt weird, but I couldn't find a reason for it. I finally told my parents. They sent me to a doctor. I became a different person after that. Sometimes I still slip back into my old ways, but for the most part, I have become a more positive person and I try to help people and bring some light into their lives.
8. We are technically adults (in some regard) when we turn 18. From there we make mistakes and learn. What was the most profound mistake you ever made, and describe what you learned from it. - I let a boyfriend control me. He controlled everything - what I did, who with, where I lived, my relationship with my parents, our relationship, what I ate. It was awful. And I did it for four years, not realizing that anything was wrong with that. It took me years upon years to make up for all of that. It was a huge blow to my ego, and I lost many friends in that time. I almost lost my family. I've learned what I don't want to have in my life. I have learned to be a more positive person, and love what I have. Don't let anyone run my life. That was abuse. I am a good person. With a big heart. It wasn't too late with my family, and I was able to make amends with my dad before he passed. I was able to salvage what I had left with my fiends. And now I appreciate them more than ever.
9. Today's world is hectic, busy, and sometimes scary. Name ONE thing that brings you happiness, and give a brief description about why this activity works for you. - My husband. Really. He is my life light. I had been almost suicidal before meeting him. He saved me from myself. I realize that isn't an activity, but loving him is. If I am upset or sad, I think of him and I say out loud, "I love that man. I love my husband." And I smile. Talking to him, hugging him, giving him kisses, cuddling with him - it all makes me feel relaxed and serene. He brings out the best in me. We have such fun together. We have no money, and our bills are always paid late, but I relax in his presence. It's really a wonderful feeling.
10. Since most of us went to school together, or are about the same age, describe your experience as it pertains to graduation day from high school. What did you do? Where did you go? What were you thinking? - I don't remember much from graduation (you know, the memory thing), but I remember being there. I remember the principal saying to me as he gave me my diploma envelope - "Wow you have quite the crowd cheering for you!" I did and I was surprised. I not only had the band people, my boyfriend and my parents, but several people in my class yelling and screaming for me. But I don't remember why. I remember crying when a classmate sang "One Moment In Time" because of relief, and sadness because I know that so many of these people - people that i had known since I was little - I would probably never see again.
After graduation, I had decided not to go to grad night because I couldn't bring my boyfriend. So, my parents took us out to dinner, bowling and miniature golf. It was a nice thing for my parents to do and they tried to do everything they could to make it memorable.
At the time, the plan was to go to school for a while and get married to the boyfriend. We broke up soon after that. I went to school, I became a supervisor at work, and I became a kind of party girl. A very different person than I was in high school.
But that's enough about me... How about you?
Thursday, February 19, 2009
50 Things
Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a blog post with 25 random things, facts, goals, or habits about you.
This is a meme that has been going around Face Book. So I cheated a litle and copied mine to here. It was supposed to be 25 things but I was tagged at least 20 times by different people. So, I did it twice. You are welcome to do this on your own blog, or just enjoy the strange things about me. :-)
1. I say inappropriate things at inappropriate times. It's a defense mechanism.
2. I'm a very obsessive person. I obsess about everything.
3. I am superstitious.
4. I love reading about ghosts, and I really like going to haunted places.
5. But, strangely, I'm afraid of the dark.
6. I constantly want to change my appearance.
7. I like to have a lot of projects on my plate.
8. I'm afraid of being stranded.
9. I love all things Disney.
10. I love almost all things Beatles.
11. I love music, but I am very particular about what I listen to.
12. I wish I could draw the things I see in my head, but I can't draw to save my life.
13. I love to learn new things. I would be a career student if I had the money.
14. I love to read. I am usually reading 3-4 books at a time. I constantly am having to change out my books because I can't get out of a bookstore for under $100.
15. I shop when I get depressed.
16. I wish I could have a house full of puppies.
17. I wish I could sing or do stand up comedy professionally.
18. I wish I could keep up with all my applications on Face Book.
19. I have become quite antisocial.
20. I miss drinking sometimes.
21. I love food. I love to cook it, to taste it, to smell it. I love to learn new recipes. I love baking.
22. I love to have plants everywhere, but I tend to kill them. I want a garden.
23. I miss going on random drives around town.
24. I want to travel.
25. I wish I could all my friends in one room so I can tell them all how much I love them.
26. I am addicted to True Crime, Urban Legends, forensics and books about serial killers. It's kind of sick, I know, but I find it fascinating.
27. Everyday, I wish I could call my dad and tell him random stuff or ask him questions about things. I miss him every day.
28. I am proud of my mom. She is one of my best friends, and she has been through so much. I am proud to have her as my mom, and my friend and I am proud of who she is as a person.
29. I love that Face Book has given me the opportunity to talk to so many people from my past that I don't know if I would have ever seen again. I have so many things to thank people for and apologize for. This gives me that opportunity.
30. I like having semi-monotonous jobs. Data entry is great for me because it gives some sort of order to my life.
31. I am a neat freak. It's just really hard to keep up on everything in the house. But at work, my desk and work area are spotless. Always.
32. I am most comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt and barefoot. But I have many personalities when it comes to clothes. I have a hippie style, a punk style, club style, office style. All kinds of stuff. And I wish, sometimes that people would still dress up to out - like to the movies, the "show," even to ride on an airplane. Remember when that was a big deal?
33. I wish I could take a decent picture. I seem to be terrible with a camera. And I really really envy those who can.
34. The only thing that I love about my memory loss is all the books and movies that I saw while I was sick, I can read and see again and they are all new!
35. I love sad movies. Sometimes, you just need a good cry, right?
36. I miss Southern California. A lot. I have withdrawals all the time. And such visual thoughts about going to places in Huntington Beach, whenever I am done with what I am doing - and actually think I will be doing it within the next hour or so.
37. I hate taking my blood sugar. I like going to the doctor to find out that whatever is wrong with me isn't just in my head.
38. I have terrible coordination. I wish I was more graceful.
39. I used to decorate cakes, but my wrists couldn't take it. But I still love to bake. I bake all the time. I love trying new recipes.
40. I am working really hard to become green. I don't use any chemicals in my cleaning products or my bath products. I make my own or buy the organic stuff that is approved for "green" usage. It really bothers me that people feel the need to drive Hummers. I even try to not use pre-packaged foods. I prefer to make it all on my own.
41. I love dogs. If I had the room and the money, I would operate a rescue out of my house. Or I would just keep them all and get a big ranch to house them all. Nothing like a puppy pile!
42. I think people tend to think I am annoying because of my health issues and how I talk about them. My health, both previously and currently, have a huge impact on my life. It's not something that I can just ignore. I feel like it has given me tons of knowledge, and I enjoy talking to people about it. If I can help just one person through what they are going through, or help them handle what their friends.family is going through, it's all worth it to me.
43. I love to counsel people. People have told me I should be a life coach or a shrink. I have often thought about both, but how can you coach someone when your own life is falling apart? Ok, falling apart may be the wrong word, maybe just messed up. But I love that people seek me out for advice or just to talk. It's hard to have the answers all the time, but I try.
44. I love to make people feel good. Especially if they look like they are feeling down. I always try to find the positive in people, and tell them what I like about them, even if they are complete strangers.
45. I truly try to be a good person.
46. I do not understand all the hate in the world. Live and let be, people!
47. I love to research things and people. I'll hear about something that is interesting to me and I will read as much as I can about it.
48. I love to write. I wish I was better and didn't get so distracted while doing it. I could have a book done by now!
49. I love to sing. I like to think I'm good, but it's more of a mimicry. I can mimic just about any song that I hear, but if I have to sing it by myself, I feel my voice sounds flat.
50. I wish I was a better musician. I wish I had the discipline that I had in high school to practice. I have a brand new bass guitar that I have only tried to play a couple of times. I really need to work on it some more.
I hope you enjoy my list. It was fun to write. And I hope that I didn't do the same things twice. Ha! :-)
This is a meme that has been going around Face Book. So I cheated a litle and copied mine to here. It was supposed to be 25 things but I was tagged at least 20 times by different people. So, I did it twice. You are welcome to do this on your own blog, or just enjoy the strange things about me. :-)
1. I say inappropriate things at inappropriate times. It's a defense mechanism.
2. I'm a very obsessive person. I obsess about everything.
3. I am superstitious.
4. I love reading about ghosts, and I really like going to haunted places.
5. But, strangely, I'm afraid of the dark.
6. I constantly want to change my appearance.
7. I like to have a lot of projects on my plate.
8. I'm afraid of being stranded.
9. I love all things Disney.
10. I love almost all things Beatles.
11. I love music, but I am very particular about what I listen to.
12. I wish I could draw the things I see in my head, but I can't draw to save my life.
13. I love to learn new things. I would be a career student if I had the money.
14. I love to read. I am usually reading 3-4 books at a time. I constantly am having to change out my books because I can't get out of a bookstore for under $100.
15. I shop when I get depressed.
16. I wish I could have a house full of puppies.
17. I wish I could sing or do stand up comedy professionally.
18. I wish I could keep up with all my applications on Face Book.
19. I have become quite antisocial.
20. I miss drinking sometimes.
21. I love food. I love to cook it, to taste it, to smell it. I love to learn new recipes. I love baking.
22. I love to have plants everywhere, but I tend to kill them. I want a garden.
23. I miss going on random drives around town.
24. I want to travel.
25. I wish I could all my friends in one room so I can tell them all how much I love them.
26. I am addicted to True Crime, Urban Legends, forensics and books about serial killers. It's kind of sick, I know, but I find it fascinating.
27. Everyday, I wish I could call my dad and tell him random stuff or ask him questions about things. I miss him every day.
28. I am proud of my mom. She is one of my best friends, and she has been through so much. I am proud to have her as my mom, and my friend and I am proud of who she is as a person.
29. I love that Face Book has given me the opportunity to talk to so many people from my past that I don't know if I would have ever seen again. I have so many things to thank people for and apologize for. This gives me that opportunity.
30. I like having semi-monotonous jobs. Data entry is great for me because it gives some sort of order to my life.
31. I am a neat freak. It's just really hard to keep up on everything in the house. But at work, my desk and work area are spotless. Always.
32. I am most comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt and barefoot. But I have many personalities when it comes to clothes. I have a hippie style, a punk style, club style, office style. All kinds of stuff. And I wish, sometimes that people would still dress up to out - like to the movies, the "show," even to ride on an airplane. Remember when that was a big deal?
33. I wish I could take a decent picture. I seem to be terrible with a camera. And I really really envy those who can.
34. The only thing that I love about my memory loss is all the books and movies that I saw while I was sick, I can read and see again and they are all new!
35. I love sad movies. Sometimes, you just need a good cry, right?
36. I miss Southern California. A lot. I have withdrawals all the time. And such visual thoughts about going to places in Huntington Beach, whenever I am done with what I am doing - and actually think I will be doing it within the next hour or so.
37. I hate taking my blood sugar. I like going to the doctor to find out that whatever is wrong with me isn't just in my head.
38. I have terrible coordination. I wish I was more graceful.
39. I used to decorate cakes, but my wrists couldn't take it. But I still love to bake. I bake all the time. I love trying new recipes.
40. I am working really hard to become green. I don't use any chemicals in my cleaning products or my bath products. I make my own or buy the organic stuff that is approved for "green" usage. It really bothers me that people feel the need to drive Hummers. I even try to not use pre-packaged foods. I prefer to make it all on my own.
41. I love dogs. If I had the room and the money, I would operate a rescue out of my house. Or I would just keep them all and get a big ranch to house them all. Nothing like a puppy pile!
42. I think people tend to think I am annoying because of my health issues and how I talk about them. My health, both previously and currently, have a huge impact on my life. It's not something that I can just ignore. I feel like it has given me tons of knowledge, and I enjoy talking to people about it. If I can help just one person through what they are going through, or help them handle what their friends.family is going through, it's all worth it to me.
43. I love to counsel people. People have told me I should be a life coach or a shrink. I have often thought about both, but how can you coach someone when your own life is falling apart? Ok, falling apart may be the wrong word, maybe just messed up. But I love that people seek me out for advice or just to talk. It's hard to have the answers all the time, but I try.
44. I love to make people feel good. Especially if they look like they are feeling down. I always try to find the positive in people, and tell them what I like about them, even if they are complete strangers.
45. I truly try to be a good person.
46. I do not understand all the hate in the world. Live and let be, people!
47. I love to research things and people. I'll hear about something that is interesting to me and I will read as much as I can about it.
48. I love to write. I wish I was better and didn't get so distracted while doing it. I could have a book done by now!
49. I love to sing. I like to think I'm good, but it's more of a mimicry. I can mimic just about any song that I hear, but if I have to sing it by myself, I feel my voice sounds flat.
50. I wish I was a better musician. I wish I had the discipline that I had in high school to practice. I have a brand new bass guitar that I have only tried to play a couple of times. I really need to work on it some more.
I hope you enjoy my list. It was fun to write. And I hope that I didn't do the same things twice. Ha! :-)
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